I am back!

Exams are almost over. I still have a Computing paper 7 days from now. But because of long gap, I consider my exams over. Haha.

I have started "celebrating" since Wednesday after Physics, where I took out my Dreamcast and played until it (apparently) overheated and shut itself down. I have started researching on specifications for my new computer (I. Seriously. Cannot. Wait. Anymore.).

As for my own candidate's report, I don't have much to say. Computing is okay, and I think my coursework can pull me up quite a bit. Maths and General Paper are wildcards, Physics is a little bit of a goner. Chemistry....I should be able to pass I guess.

I refrained from checking my answers with my friends, instead coming up with my own conclusions as stated above. I prefer to leave things as "wildcards" instead of knowing that I will die a horrific death. Yes I like to escape from reality. Reality has never been kind to me anyway.

Although I know fully well that I deserved this given that I did not prepare well beforehand, I wonder why I still had this feeling of sadness at the end of those papers which I did not do well.

Still, at the back of my mind, there exists a glimpse of hope that those answers I had dumped in will gain enough marks to give me decent grades. I do not wish to predict what grades I will get, because my previous blog entries had me promising heaven and earth that I will top Singapore and I am now hahahaha (And I laugh at my naivity and stupidity. I sound ridiculously dumb.). However, I think most probably I will not be contributing to the "number of students with 3As/4As". It doesn't matter actually. (Even if it matters, I can't do anything now anyway right?)

So, I have ended my 12 years of education on a low note. I do wonder why. My friend says that's because I am at the end of my mugging cycle. (Well I hope that's true, not the part about I'm at the end, but rather the fact that it is a cycle and not point-to-point.) Or maybe, I have over-estimated myself. Others come late for lectures, join sports ccas where they train almost everyday during night-time, skip tutorials, find girlfriends, play games watch anime all day long, and still do better than me.

That is still ok if I have some other talent somewhere. But nope I don't.
Badmintion play until school don't want me. NOI, I learn one year, pple learn one month, and we end up getting medals of the same colour.
I have missed out so many opportunities throughout my twelve years. All I did in my twelve years were to watch my friends represent school or Singapore in competitions ranging from sports to olympiads, go up on stage to receive trophys for winning anything and everything, win MP3 players and go San Francisco for creating hundred-page-websites, having names appear in newspapers for winning National Colours, win earphones and thumbdrives for coding some grid computing applications etc etc etc etc.

At the very least where one has neither grades nor achievements, one still have some skills. Like able to play drums or fly aeroplanes.

I got nothing!

Haha am I finding excuses to cover up for my dismal performances? Lol I seem to contradict myself everywhere.

As mentioned earlier, whatever results I get doesn't matter anymore, simply because I can't turn back time (although I think even if I can, I will end up in the same square). It is all over, and people look forward (apparently that's why humans' eyes are at the front huh. haha).

Haha then again, looking forward, I don't know what my future will be like, since I have screwed up the very path that leads me into the future. I thought this was perfect for me, but now, hahahahahahahaha.

My conscience tells me I do not deserve all these "slack-and-play-after-exams", which are reserved for people who have worked hard enough. What should I do then?

On a sidenote, I saw this really good and true statement, and I shall borrow his flowers to give to Buddha (in this case, you people) :
To those who still have the S papers, all the best:) These few days will be traded off for many more dollars per month later on in life:)