The broadband war is getting more and more exciting it seems.

The freebies are getting bigger and bigger, from the initial discounts in subscriptions, to iPods and free speed upgrades, and now, desktops, laptops and xbox 360s!

I won't be surprised if they start giving out mansions and cars next time.

More companies are also joining in for a share of the pie, with one company offering wireless broadband and another company on the verge of doing so.

The fight continues on behind the scenes under the table. Both Starhub and Singnet are having their individual separate promotions with the taxi drivers. Haha.

Then today there is the surprising news that the free wireless nationwide Internet service will be launched one month ahead of schedule. Excited, I went to comb for information, and was disappointed when I see that the coverage in Tampines is only restricted to the central area. I have one lucky friend who lives right inside the area, and at least three living on the borders of it.

Of course, free 512Kbps doesn't sound great, but 10bucks a month for 1Mbps is.

知足
怎么去拥有一道彩虹
怎么去拥抱一夏天的风
天上的星星笑地上的人
总是不能懂不能知道足够
如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有
当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛
那天你和我那个山丘
那样的唱着那一年的歌
那样的回忆那么足够
足够我天天都品尝着寂寞
才发现笑着哭最痛wo…
如果你快乐再不是为我
知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛

咸鱼
我是一只咸鱼不想承认也不能否认
不要同情我笨又夸我天真还梦想著翻身
咸鱼就算翻身还是只咸鱼输得也诚恳
至少到最后我还有咸鱼不腐烂的自尊
我没有任何天分
我却有梦的天真
我是傻不是蠢
我将会证明用我的一生
我如果有梦有没有错
错过才会更加明白明白坚持是什么
我如果有梦梦要够疯
够疯才能变成英雄
总会有一篇我的传说
我不好也不坏不特别出众我只是敢不同
我的人生就是一错再错错完了再从头
也许放弃掉一些活得更轻松我却不再是我
我不愿一生晒太阳吹风咸鱼也要有梦

有一天有我的天空

作我的英雄在我的天空
我知道你懂知道你会懂

Well I know both songs are kinda old, appearing in 五月天's 神的孩子都在跳舞 album. Perhaps I am thinking too much and the album was simply for commercial purposes, but sometimes I so wonder why Mayday puts these two songs into the same album when they totally contradict each other.

One song tells me to be content with whatever I have, the other tells me to pursue my dreams no matter how ridiculous or impossible they are. So when should I be content, and when should I not be?

I take note that they only ask the 咸鱼s to try their best. So does that mean that only the 咸鱼s should try their best, and the others should just be content with whatever they have?

The main problem I have with myself is that I do not know where to draw the line.

***

When one's life sucks, all the bad things that can never happen will happen to him.

The computer is beside the sofa, and I use my earphones to listen. I have the habit of hanging my earphones on the side of the sofa after I finished using them, with the head still in the audio jack.

So when I was doing spring cleaning I wanted to retrieve stuff from the cupboard behind the sofa. I did not see my earphones, and I pulled my sofa out, *piak* a sound went, the earphones dropped onto the floor, nicely split into two.

One side still functions, the other is gone.

Torrent downloading using rtorrent in FC is so slow, I can only clock at 1+ kbps, and it slows down my already slow computer. I swtiched over to utorrent (where u is the miu thingy) upon seeing my friend downloading faster than me. But utorrent only exists in Windows versions so I have to switch over to Windows.

Downloading using utorrent is indeed faster, able to clock at average 10 kbps. But because my Windows is seriously corrupted after mounting it in FC, it is impossible for me to open IE or MSN there. So its either I blog and surf net and chat in MSN, or I download and cut myself out from the rest of the world.

I think I will choose the latter.

This pressure to find a job is getting heavy. A heated argument between my parents earlier in the morning hints that I will have to help contribute soon. And there's also all the talk among friends. Cannot earn money = useless in society. Yes true, although I don't like the way it works. Then I realise my brother can easily help me find one, through his connections. Maybe I shall ask him when I decide to get one. I think I still have things to do.

With 6GB worth of things to download, I have to stick to that corrupted Windows for quite some time. So...
Then again there's nothing much for me to say.

And yes, today is the last day of my papers. Quite an okay paper, but my two years of studying end in quite a whimper, with only 14 students in a classroom tucked in one corner of an otherwise almost empty building. Another small group of students was still engaged in their paper, so when ours ended, we were the only ones cheering for ourselves.

Sad. Haha.

The end of my 12 years of education seems to mark my entry into adulthood. Friends around me are already hunting for jobs, and my conscience tells me I should very well get one too. But. Maybe not so early.

My primary school did not do well for this year's PSLE it appears.

I don't know what else to say. I don't know why I come here in the first place. Maybe simply to mark the End. Or the Start.

Warning: Geek post!

Computers are becoming more and more powerful today huh?



That, Fedora Core 5, is the exact same OS I'm using now, and is exactly what I see on my computer. Sadly the guy only showed nothing more than the basic features. I do wonder how he controls the pointer? With the analog pad?

Notice the penguins at the top of the screen during the boot up? It is a mascot for Linux, has a name Tux, and the number of Tux appearing denotes the number of processors (or cores, in this case) the OS detected.

And yes, 8 little penguins sitting there welcoming you.

And wth, it boots up so darn fast! At least 100 times faster than my miserable Pentium 3. I want my new computer!

Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to my blog,
happy birthday to you!

Its my blog's three-year-old birthday!

Three years ago today [albeit another 13 hours later], I started this blog after seeing some of my friends having theirs. Setting up this blog was initially for the fun for it, just to get an idea of how it works, what's the big deal about it, and to a smaller extent, just to find something to do over that particular holiday season. I seriously had no idea I had so many things to say, so much so that it is still publishing my crap three years later.

I started off simply by typing out whatever that comes into my mind, no proper sentence structure, no standard English, no nothing. Also, my blog entries are [almost] such that they are meant for my eyes only (i.e, I assume no one is reading).

Over the years, however, I begin to acknowledge that there are readers out there, so now I try to roughly plan what and how to type. More importantly, I try to ensure that my readers have a easier time reading my crap, so I paragraphed my entries as well. And of course, ditch that colourful AHS background which makes words difficult to read, for a simple white background with huge fonts. Haha.

Unfortunately, my English has not improved much, but I digress.

There are times when I question myself the purpose of maintaining this, because simply I see no need to do so. I ask a friend, only to get a scolding in return that I am a "selfish boy". I thought to myself, yes I want to see my friends blog, so I know that they are still alive and well, so maybe others may think the same way too.

Anyway now I blog for the kick of typing. Haha. And maybe to a smaller extent, entertain.

The people who come to my blog surprises me sometimes. People I never think will ever come here actually do. Even mothers read my blog!

I have shared many of my 酸 甜 苦 辣 here. Happy things like me getting broadband, getting new handphone, receiving well wishes for my birthday, [and soon, getting new computer =D] etc, sad things about me getting disappointing grades, not achieving anything, my frustrations, my anger, my thoughts, my wishes, my hopes, all [almost] neatly and thoroughly (sort of) recorded here.

Then again, the very fact that I have readers make it difficult for me to voice some of my thoughts, although through this I learn to be more careful with what I say, here and in real-life. I try to.

I have to agree with the editor in Digital Life, that no matter how private one wants his blog to be, the root purpose of blogging is actually to get oneself noticed. I do not deny that. Haha. Given that I am an introvert by nature, blogging seems the perfect way for me to interact with others.

The editor mentioned that teens think blogs reflect their personalities, so they spend alot of time dressing up their blogs. Then I see my blog so plain, oh no what am I?! Haha.

I gave a blog new clothing last year. This year I have no idea what to do.

Lastly I want to thank all my readers for their support! Even though no one seems to respond haha. But they are a major source of motivation for me to keep on blogging. May this blog live on!

[I welcome readers, but I don't welcome attention.]

Now that I have finished this entry, I realise that I may the only person who bothers to celebrate blog birthdays. I seem to like to exaggerate things.

When Singtel first came out with the 5Mbps plan at $49.95 a month, I was guessing Starhub will counter back with an offer, because Maxonline 4000 cost $58.80 a month [although I pay slightly less thanks to a promotion with ComfortDelgro haha].

And so today when I flipped open the newspapers, the Starhub advertisement screamed free speed upgrades from Maxonline 4000 to 6000!!!

Yay!

But the best deal was Maxonline 6500. They [almost] doubled it to 12000!

The speed upgrades will come into effect on 28 Dec, which makes it pretty nice Christmas present to me! Haha.

That is, if my father decides to continue the plan. My plan is expiring....and i want to continue!

I am back!

Exams are almost over. I still have a Computing paper 7 days from now. But because of long gap, I consider my exams over. Haha.

I have started "celebrating" since Wednesday after Physics, where I took out my Dreamcast and played until it (apparently) overheated and shut itself down. I have started researching on specifications for my new computer (I. Seriously. Cannot. Wait. Anymore.).

As for my own candidate's report, I don't have much to say. Computing is okay, and I think my coursework can pull me up quite a bit. Maths and General Paper are wildcards, Physics is a little bit of a goner. Chemistry....I should be able to pass I guess.

I refrained from checking my answers with my friends, instead coming up with my own conclusions as stated above. I prefer to leave things as "wildcards" instead of knowing that I will die a horrific death. Yes I like to escape from reality. Reality has never been kind to me anyway.

Although I know fully well that I deserved this given that I did not prepare well beforehand, I wonder why I still had this feeling of sadness at the end of those papers which I did not do well.

Still, at the back of my mind, there exists a glimpse of hope that those answers I had dumped in will gain enough marks to give me decent grades. I do not wish to predict what grades I will get, because my previous blog entries had me promising heaven and earth that I will top Singapore and I am now hahahaha (And I laugh at my naivity and stupidity. I sound ridiculously dumb.). However, I think most probably I will not be contributing to the "number of students with 3As/4As". It doesn't matter actually. (Even if it matters, I can't do anything now anyway right?)

So, I have ended my 12 years of education on a low note. I do wonder why. My friend says that's because I am at the end of my mugging cycle. (Well I hope that's true, not the part about I'm at the end, but rather the fact that it is a cycle and not point-to-point.) Or maybe, I have over-estimated myself. Others come late for lectures, join sports ccas where they train almost everyday during night-time, skip tutorials, find girlfriends, play games watch anime all day long, and still do better than me.

That is still ok if I have some other talent somewhere. But nope I don't.
Badmintion play until school don't want me. NOI, I learn one year, pple learn one month, and we end up getting medals of the same colour.
I have missed out so many opportunities throughout my twelve years. All I did in my twelve years were to watch my friends represent school or Singapore in competitions ranging from sports to olympiads, go up on stage to receive trophys for winning anything and everything, win MP3 players and go San Francisco for creating hundred-page-websites, having names appear in newspapers for winning National Colours, win earphones and thumbdrives for coding some grid computing applications etc etc etc etc.

At the very least where one has neither grades nor achievements, one still have some skills. Like able to play drums or fly aeroplanes.

I got nothing!

Haha am I finding excuses to cover up for my dismal performances? Lol I seem to contradict myself everywhere.

As mentioned earlier, whatever results I get doesn't matter anymore, simply because I can't turn back time (although I think even if I can, I will end up in the same square). It is all over, and people look forward (apparently that's why humans' eyes are at the front huh. haha).

Haha then again, looking forward, I don't know what my future will be like, since I have screwed up the very path that leads me into the future. I thought this was perfect for me, but now, hahahahahahahaha.

My conscience tells me I do not deserve all these "slack-and-play-after-exams", which are reserved for people who have worked hard enough. What should I do then?

On a sidenote, I saw this really good and true statement, and I shall borrow his flowers to give to Buddha (in this case, you people) :
To those who still have the S papers, all the best:) These few days will be traded off for many more dollars per month later on in life:)

Sometimes I wonder if there is really a need to maintain relationships.

Relationships have always been protrayed in tear-jerking love dramas and movies as noble love that brings people together to overcome all kinds of difficulties from crises to life-threatening diseases to human-eating monsters. The scenes are always the same: A group of people consisting of two or more people, exchanging touching words in the face of danger, like "We are always behind you!" or "Let's face this together!", whatever.

Sadly, relationships in real-life does not even anywhere near that.

In real-life, relationships are about expectations. You are expected to behave in a manner that is pleasing to their eyes. You are expected to do things that they want you to do. You are expected not to do things they do not want you to do. You are expected to submit to them. You are expected to listen to them. You are expected not to argue. You are expected to be a puppet. You are expected to show them result slips that has the alphabet 'A' at every other line.

In real-life, relationships are about gains and losses. They exist because the parties involved can gain something from each other. They may gain money, power, status, business deals, secret information, that nice jewellery in the shop, or simply, the ability to be able to show off to others that that particular relationship exists.

Will it be better if there are no relationships in this world? Maybe if there are no relationships in this world, you do not need to answer to "related" people for your actions, your words. You do not need to provide explanations on why your handphone bill is a record high this month. You do not need to run home from your friend's party before 2359, because no one will be setting this time in the first place. You do not need to get permission to go out of the house, nor need to provide all the details on your friends who are going to the pub with you, right down to their parents' names or the size of their moles. You do not need to spend three days three nights and your entire month's salary getting what you think is the perfect gift for the loved one, only to result in a disappointed or angry look and verbal abuse that you do not understand him or her at all. You do not need to be afraid of showing your pathetic results in exchange for a curfew or ban. You can be youself. You do not need to hide your true self and act as the person that they want to see and want you to be.

Perhaps many out there are already jumping up from their seats holding protest signs, eager to shower me with all kinds of theories and examples to prove me wrong. What's good about relationships? Provide emotional support? Provide a warm and cosy homes? Provide listening ears? Provide words of encouragement and advice?

Sadly, none of those theories and examples has happened to me so far. Most, if not all, relationships I have seen so far, are of what I have described. Ugly.

Or perhaps, I still do not see the underlying principles and reasons that make up those expectations and demands and requests. All the complications that have arised have covered up the intentions of their actions. Maybe its still noble love.

I'm tired.

EDIT

This makes me stop to think.

"Good morning boys & girls,

Just in case you have 'forgotten' your entry proof, you can pick up a copy from the phole. When you are done, just put it back. Always have a backup ready for the rainy day.

The FORCE is already with you."

Then I look back at myself. I'm still tired.

END OF EDIT