connecting the dots II

As I prepare for my Student Exchange Programme, I look at all the money that I have spent so far, and will be spending, and I wonder whether I should have applied for SEP to the USA in the first place. I still remembered during my Freshman Orientation Week, this girl presented her SEP trip to France, and when she mentioned she spent $10k-$15k in total, I turned to my friend and told him, "Siao, I will never be able to spend this kind of money."

Fast forward to today.

To clarify, every single cent that I have spent so far came from my own pockets, painstakingly saved up over many years, and I think I have just about enough for the entire Program. However, to prepare for contingencies, I will be asking my mother for some money to act as a buffer, which I will try not to spend as much as possible and return her the full amount when I return. Nevertheless I still feel bad having to ask her for money; all the hidden costs have caught me off guard.

A little part of me wishes I can reverse all this, while a bigger part of me wishes a lump sum of money will fall from the sky into my hands. But most importantly, I wish that when the future [and poorer] me looks back at the present me, future me will be able to 'connect the dots' and thank present me for having done the right thing.

I have made many difficult decisions to come this far, so I sincerely hope everything turns out well. Someone deceive encourage me please? =)