9/11 10 years on

9/11 anniversary: photographers recall day of horror - interactive slideshow | World news | guardian.co.uk

"A photographer is contending with time and timelessness. Its the illusion of stopping time in a frame or looking back at time from a photograph and trying to, kind of, recover what is missing; what is outside the frame."

Ten years ago, our world changed forever.

In the past couple of years, each time this day neared, I would be trying to recall what I did on that fateful day, or rather, night. I remembered lying on the bed, probably half asleep, when I heard the deejay announced breaking news over the radio. Because that kind of scenario had never happened before, coupled with the fact that the only World Trade Centre I knew at that time is the one bearing the name Harbourfront now, all that my simple mind could cook up then was that of a plane scraping the top of a building while it was trying to land at an airport.

And then, I have no other recollection. I cannot remember what I did when I woke up the following morning. Did I follow the news closely? Did I laugh out loud thinking it was all just a joke? Did I continue studying and playing soccer in school as if nothing happened? Did I feel sad? Did I feel nothing? I can't remember anymore.

10 entire years have passed; seems like it has been a very long time, so long that I have already forgotten what I did back then. However, the aftermath of 9/11 is still strongly felt by everyone today, so much so it seems like it only just happened yesterday.

I cannot give any before-and-after comparisons, because I have never flown before 9/11. But today, we are all subject to security checks, surveillance, loss of privacy etc. We can no longer pass through Customs checkpoints without first undergoing various levels of inconvenience. Each and every single one of us are considered suspects by authorities until proven innocent. Deep in our hearts, we probably consider every stranger we come across a suspect too.

We are all living in fear. Osama had succeeded.

In these past ten years, so many other things have happened, none of which did anything to reverse this culture of fear. Bali, London and Madrid all suffered similar, if not worse, attacks. Even Singapore came so close to becoming a victim herself.

When will this all end? I have no idea. Will this even end in the first place? I have no idea either. But I think even if this day actually comes, we will continue to be fearful and suspicious of each other, till the day we die.

Friday's Straits Times article reported on a Singaporean who had managed to escape before the North Tower came tumbling down. Years later, they found her wallet, driving license and credit cards, and mailed them back to her. When the reporter asked whether there was anything else she hoped to have recovered from the wreckage, her reply was:

"Nothing physical. But I wish I had that sense of innocence back. Now I am always cautious, and I watch my back in case there's another attack. I'm not as carefree as before. I've lost that."

I think we all have lost that.