HELLOX
FOr the past few days i haf been crazy over making a simple decision...maybe its becos for the past few years i haf been going along wif other pple's opinions tt i haf lost my ability to make my own decision....
Anyway the simple decision was whether to join the student council or not.
SOunds simple to u?Not to me...just ask any fren ard me...i haf been repeatedly changing my decision for the past few days tt i tink they are irritated as well.
My final decision came abt an hour b4 registration for the SC closed...it was 5 days since i first got the appliacation form.
WEll, y did i want to join SC in the first place?
Firstly, i tot tt i was rather anti-social back in sec sch so i tot of joining SC to learn some socialising skills, and perhaps, get some self confidence. I oso tot tt it should be quite fun being able to pariticipate in college activities such as orientation and open hse.Tt was my desire to join SC.
THen how come i had reservations to joining SC leh?
Firstly i was afraid of the interview and the campaigning(pple ard me should noe, i haf very very low self confidence)...
secondly i was afraid i couldnt handle the workload...I'm having 2 ccas now and im a person who gets tired vv easily....Sometimes i reach home at 7 plus 8 plus, after i eat dinner and bathed, i would fall flat on the bed and only wake up the next morning.So wat happens if i become SC?I'm quite scared i will break down leh...
Thirdly i am actually not vv comfortable of becoming a student leader....mainly due to the horrible experience i had in sec sch....i can work in the SC, but i cant be a leader in the SC.Simply said, i can receive orders and instructions, but i cant give them to others.
I wanted to keep it under wraps...or at least until i get thru the interview part. OF course, paper cant wrap fire, so soon many pple got to noe abt it...everyone told me to go for it, and they will support me...but after word got ard tt i'm going for SC, it occurred to me tt signing up for SC becomes more of a task fufillment rather than a desire. ITs like, everyone noe i running for SC, so i must join, not because i want to join tt i join.
Just now during icomp i was having this workshop on filming and it was rather boring, so i sat back and tot carefully abt it..I came to this decision of not joining after i realised tt while my concious mind wants me to join, my sub-concious mind doesnt want me to.How do i noe tt?I noe tt by looking back at my attitude towards it for the past few days.
Firstly, i had to photocopy my testimonial, cca records and prelims results for them.However i only went down to get them photocopied at the last min, which was abt 9 last night.
Secondly, i had to write a one page essay introducing myself, my experiences, my achievements and reasons y i running for SC. For the past 2 days i reached home only at 8, and i went to sleep rather than writing the essay, while my fren got his typed out nicely in the computer. I was still struggling wif the essay during the workshop(I was holding the essay in my hands while tinking of all these).
Thirdly, i compared it wif one interest tt i haf for a vv long time:computing.
On mon i was given several algo questions to solve and even though i reached home at 8 at was really vv tired, i still went on to on the com and solved the questions.However on tues night, when i came home at 8, i wasn't so eager as to take out paper and write my essay...went to sleep instead.In fact, i only started my essay when i went to sch today.
The last factor was a simple one.If i really had wanted to join SC, i would haf gotten the app form on the first day of the registration and handed in long ago, not on the last day.
All these led me to closing my file which held my half-completed essay and going back to listen to the video workshop.I guess my true innerself doesnt want to join the SC at all, thus all these hints to knock some sense into my concious mind.(In case u dunno, this is the second time sumthing like this happened.MY close frens will noe abt the other incident.)
Perhaps i am not really cut out to be a leader....such an indecisive characteristic is definitely not allowed in a student leader. Maybe i am better off receiving other pple's orders.
Well, wat to do, i am tt lousy.
I tink tt the true innerself is the one tt makes all the decisions tts suitable for a person..the concious mind makes decision only becos others are doing the same thing, or trying to achieve something, or trying to prove something etc, thus they may not make the right decisions all the time. I will pay more attention to my sub-concious mind from now on.Tts quite a valuabe lesson to me i tink, maybe some of u may tink tt i'm slow to learn this only now, but its better late than never right?=D
Lastly, i want to thank all my frens who haf been encouraging me al these while....sorry tt all these haf been in vain.............