Monday, January 11, 2016

happy 2016!

嗨。

还有人来这里吗?如果有,那,谢谢你 :)

*****

好久没在这里写些什么了。

去年发生了不少事,开心的好像记不起,不开心的倒是有。

以前我新年的愿望总会是,希望自己能开心。但是每年到了尾声时,也不知道到底有没有真正开心的过了一年。

今年就换一换吧!我今年的new year resolution就,要让身边的人都开心!或许,身边的人开心,我自然而然也会开心了。

最起码,不要让别人不开心。

*****

有人说我不会站在别人的立场想,只会从自己的角度想。或许这是真的。好吧,那今年我就切记要多为别人着想。

祸从口出,今年我也要记得少说话,以免得罪人。或者说,在说话前,先考虑一下别人的感受吧。

*****

很欣慰一直以来身边都有一群出身入死的好朋友,就因为有他们在,我才能在这疯狂世界里找到一点自己。

朋友为我做了很多,我感觉为朋友付出的太少了。

随着时间往前走,朋友都为各自的生活而忙去了。

那。。我呢?

*****

要人喜欢我,我想首先得让自己做个值得让别人喜欢的人。今年,让自己做个更好的人吧。

加油!

Monday, March 24, 2014

amazing Taiwan

I typically don't hide my love for Taiwan; it has nice scenery, friendly folks, and a certain charm about the place that attracts me. The roadside eateries fronting the old shop houses, the warm crowded night markets and the untidy but functional back alleys and small roads are the little things that always fascinate me, coming from a country where my childhood gets torn down piece by piece to make way for brand new identical soulless concrete buildings.

This week, I found myself another reason to be amazed by this little island. University students stormed their 立法院 (and tonight, their 行政院) to protest the signing of a trade pact without undergoing parliamentary review, which they deem an undemocratic move.

Its not appropriate for me to argue whether it is right to accept or reject the trade pact. I am also not sure if it is a right move to storm government buildings and disrupt usual government activities. What I am impressed with, however, is the strong sense of nationalism in their people. Their university students, most of them younger than me, are showing so much concern for their homeland, its developments and future.

When I was young, people laughed at Taiwan when they saw their politicians fight in Parliament. Today, I feel sad that our Singapore's younger generation seems to be more knowledgeable in Korean celebrities than our own country's affairs. I am definitely not an expert myself, and I feel that active citizenry is something we can learn from the Taiwanese.

On the other hand, a highly democratic system requires a highly educated and mature population, and I have the impression that Singapore is not at that stage yet. But I think we can first start by reading and understanding more on our nation matters.

A colleague of mine thinks Taiwan has the most successful democratic system in Asia. I think its true to some extent. However, a successful democratic system doesn't feel like an efficient system. For starters, its almost impossible to please everyone.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

hello

Ah, it has been so long since I last blogged. I usually have a handy reason: I lead a boring life so there is nothing worth blogging about. On the other hand, I find that these days one can no longer publish whatever one likes on a blog. Say something that does not agree with the majority, one gets shamed to the extent that leaving the country is the best option. Rather than deciding what I should say or should not, sometimes its more convenient to just shut the hell up.

It has been almost six months since my last entry. On the contrary, my life hasn't really been boring. In the past six months, I have become busier with work, but more confident in the things I do, and being assigned more important work to be involved in.

Being a system administrator is actually kind of fun. I look at systems as a whole; how one application interacts with another application, how to monitor critical parts of systems and networks, and how to resolve them when they go down. I have to learn things that school has never taught before, and I have to pick them up fast. Unfortunately, being a system administrator also means that I always have to be on my toe; my working hours get really irregular sometimes, and I have to be able to respond fast to calls for help. I think I did okay so far.

Of course, since I now look at systems in its entirety, I no longer interact with just small teams of people who, for example, work only on one application. I now communicate, on a regular basis, with different colleagues working on different applications in different countries. I think I have typed more Chinese characters in the past couple of months than my past 25 years of life. Haha.

Another great incentive of being a system administrator is that I get to travel. During the past six months, I have went to Taiwan and the States on three occasions, all for work purposes, although I managed to squeeze time out in between for some little sightseeing. During these trips, I was finally alone for small portions of them. In Taipei, I took a bus up to 野柳地质公园, took a detour to 基隆 before heading back to Taipei at night. In the States, I took a bus from Kalamazoo to an airport hotel to Chicago on one trip home, and for the next trip back, I took the metro from the airport to Chicago Union Station, and switched to a train bringing me back to Kalamazoo. I am probably the last among my peers to enter this whole concept of solo travels, but nevertheless its significant to me.

I doubt this will be the last time I get to travel overseas for work purposes, and I look forward to more trips this year. Hopefully through these trips and through my work, I will continue to gain more confidence in myself.

2014 is yet another new year. Last year I simply wished for myself to be happy, and I think I have somewhat achieved it. This year, besides hoping that I continue to be happy, I also hope that I will continue to improve myself in the field of system administration.

If readers think my goals are not clear and concise enough, here are two that are: 1) get a driving license 2) improve my photography skills with my shiny new Olympus PEN E-P3!

To a great year ahead!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

the next phase of life

Is it becoming a habit of me to blog at the end of the month, just so that I can clock in at least one entry for that month? Speaks volume about the author doesn't it? Haha.

Rightfully speaking I should have put in more effort in recording down the events that happened this month, because this is one very important month in my life: graduation from university and transition into working life. Unfortunately, the entire month has been quite uneventful.

The first three days were spent attending an orientation program organized by the company. I was initially nervous about the teambuilding games that were to be held on the first day; they sounded like school orientation. Thankfully the games, professionally organized by a company, were way better than I thought.

The following two days were spent listening to two motivational speakers lecturing us on how to make the best out of our working lives. Frankly speaking, I was skeptical of such things. One speaker carried out an activity to make us remind ourselves our five greatest moments in our lives to make us more positive, and the result was meh. The speaker went around asking everyone how we felt after the activity. I managed to mutter a 'happy', which the speaker could immediately tell I wasn't because the pokerface expression was all over my face. The truth is I did not have enough sleep and I was tired.

The same speaker also got me to sit in front of the entire group to let everyone guess the colour I was thinking of, by looking at my body language. He guessed wrongly -.-

My take is that while body language might indeed give some clues away, there are many more factors that affect how a person behaves. Being in a group where I only know the members for three days, I was naturally more defensive towards expressing my thoughts, what's more when I know there are twenty pairs of eyes staring at me! But know me for a year or two and I don't think you need to read my body language to know what I am up to; I will probably have already told you myself ;)

Fourth day onwards, and I'm on my job officially.

Work has been okay I guess; been completing minor tasks while learning at the same time, things that I could and should have done while I was still in school. When I get stuck, I alternate between trying to figure it out for myself, or asking really dumb questions. Oh well.

My colleagues are all nice people, but I feel I haven't exactly gotten myself accepted into their clique yet. The main reason is probably because I am of a different nationality. While my Chinese isn't that bad, their accent and slang sometimes make it difficult for me to understand what they are saying. The fact that I am slow to warm up to strangers is not helping matters too.

My direct superior also did not really set any target or deadlines for me too, so I have no idea whether I'm doing ok, or too slow, or what. I appreciate the freedom, but given that I am in my three month probation period, it might help if I get some feedback.

I shall stop here for now, hopefully I can come back with more next week during that long holiday.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

a cumulative update

Oh well I didn't blog much again this month. I guess the motivation to blog isn't there when one has no reader to blog to, although I wouldn't feel comfortable if too many people read this in the first place.

Aright that is just an excuse. I'm just too lazy to do so. Ha.

So yes, I was supposed to talk about Taiwan. Actually the photos are already all up on my Google+ account, and my few close friends have at least seen some of them. Given that they are probably the very same ones who might still be bothered to come here, blogging anything about Taiwan is equivalent to showing them the same photos a second time. Not to mention, most of them are themselves frequent visitors to Taiwan, so they need no introduction to the places I went to.

On the other hand, during our planning stage we had stumbled upon several blogs that detailed their respective trips to different parts of Taiwan, and some of the information they provided were of great help to us. If all of them had the same mindset as me, then nobody would have blogged about Taiwan. Who knows, someday some stranger might chance upon this place too, and my rambling might be of useful help to him or her.

In conclusion, I will blog about my trip to Taiwan, when I am not lazy have the motivation to. Haha.

Come Monday I will be starting work. I have been trying not to say too much about my upcoming job, because I have friends around me who do not have jobs yet despite their impressive results, while I practically had mine given to me in spite of my lousy grades, so I'm a little ashamed about it. Yes I have a three month probation period to survive first, but it probably beats staying at home.

I'm nervous about my new job, nervous about how I will perform, nervous about how others will think I will perform, nervous about whether I will screw things up and get myself and others into trouble. No amount of words of encouragement or comfort will help, so don't bother giving. I have to be inside settled down and being part of the team before I become sane again. I guess part of the nervousness comes from the fact that it is a huge change in my life, as if its a completely different phase (oh wait, it actually is). I am resistant to change, and change wrecks my nerves upside down. Yet change is the only constant.

A couple of people have asked whether this is what I want to do. I replied them (which is honestly my answer) that I am not sure and I just take anything that comes along first. A more complete answer, in addition to that, is that beggars can't be choosers. Its a little sad that having already lived for a quarter of a century I am still unsure of what I want, but unfortunately that is what it is. There are some issues bugging me which I need to settle first before I can answer that million dollar question. The big issue is of course money.

Hot on the heels of my new job are the letters notifying me of all the tuition loans that I need to repay. The first letter has already arrived, stating an amount of $16,844 if I were to repay before the interest kicks in. A second letter telling me to repay $21,996 should arrive sooner or later. A long time ago my mother had offered to repay all the money first, and I repay my mother instead so as to avoid paying interest. However since then we have not talked about this again, and I am a little uncomfortable bringing this up. Either way, I have to repay someone.

Still on the topic of money, but casting the net wider, is the issue of supporting my family. My parents are old and suffer from the usual problems associated with the aged. My mother wanted to resign on the very day I start work, as her legs hurt badly from all the walking and shuttling between two hospitals, but she realised that she has to give a month notice in advance. My father, on the other hand, just had an operation, although he seemed to have pretty much recovered.  Did I mention that my brother is next to useless?

With all that in mind, I feel like the burden of supporting the family is going to rest heavily on me. More than that, I hope that my parents can lead more comfortable lives than now. Which is why getting a new air conditioning unit is high up on my wishlist. And a smartphone for my mother. And a new sofa to replace the current one that is threatening to fall apart.

As you can see, money is very important to me now, much as I really don't want to become a slave to it. Yes I have heard enough about those talks that tell us to follow our passion and trust that the money will come in eventually. Well do you want to help me tell the banks that?

Therefore, at this point of time, I think I will gladly take up any job that comes along. I'm fine with this new job frankly speaking, because the position is the same as my appointment during National Service, though the job scope will probably be a little different. I just hope I can adapt quickly to it, and that I don't act like a complete idiot inside.

One question you might have for me, "If I am desperate for money, why didn't I give tuition like what many undergraduates do?" Well my answer is confidence, or rather the lack of it. I don't feel like I am qualified enough to teach, and I certainly don't want to further screw up some poor student's already screwed up results. Moreover I have this reluctance towards offering money for knowledge, for I am a believer of free access to knowledge.

I won't blame you if you want to say that I am lazy and I am just finding some really lame excuses for myself. I do feel pretty ashamed of myself when I could go to the United States for student exchange and to Taiwan for a graduation trip when there are students who do not have the capability to do so and worse still, have to support themselves financially. You know what, I know I am a damn fortunate person, and that is why I try not to complain too much.

In other news, I bought myself a new pair of spectacles, because the old pair is already pretty much broken, and Company of Heroes through Steam. See what I mean?

I have one last day of freedom, before work kicks in. May I survive.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

revival

First and foremost, apologies yet again for not keeping this blog updated. Procrastination was half the reason why, and reluctance made up the other half. Truth be told, I didn't enjoy my last semester in university at all, but I was quite unwilling to say too much about it, preferring to keep to myself instead, which meant that I have nothing much to share here. Thankfully, the semester is over, and I have graduated.

Like many other graduating students, I went on a graduation trip with a few close friends after the examinations. We were all pretty much broke from our respective student exchange programs to the States and Europe, so we picked a destination that is cheap and close to home - Taiwan.

For my three friends, it was their first time there, while this was my second time. I fell in love with this beautiful island when I was there in 2008, and ever since then I have been wanting to go back again. However, I never had the chance to do so, while friends around me went there trip after trip, year after year, and I could only look on with envy. Finally my chance came, and I must say, my impression of the island has not changed one bit from 2008. If anything, I now have more admiration and respect for the people there.

Photos and more thoughts to come soon after I sort them out. Struggling to keep my eyes open now.

Monday, February 11, 2013

chinese new year 2013

Its almost 3am in the morning but I don't feel like sleeping yet, so I am here showing some tender loving care to my somewhat neglected blog haha.

While Chinese New Year has never been anything exciting for me, I still look forward to it; it always feels more like a 'new year' than the Gregorian counterpart. Perhaps because of the strong traditions and cultures that come attached with the Chinese New Year, the whole atmosphere seems happier.

This year my mother decided that she didn't want to cook for reunion dinner, so we took up a reunion dinner package at a coffee shop opposite my house, therefore making this the first time in years my family had a proper reunion dinner on the eve of the Chinese New Year.

The package was a little expensive, probably because all the other coffee shops in the area were closed and they were enjoying a monopoly. Food wasn't too bad though.
The dinner went okay I guess, but when you have a family that doesn't talk much to each other, you get more or less the same scenario at the dining table.

This year I took time out to visit Chinatown again to soak myself in the atmosphere. I first visited it two years back, and this year things hadn't really changed. In fact some of the stalls were selling the same things at the same place. The atmosphere was still great nonetheless.

The only photo I took, at the Buddha Tooth Relic Temple. 
A stage was set up in the area too, with nightly performances leading up to the Eve. The audience seemed to be made up mostly of elderly residents living near the area, with a very small handful of curious tourists. I guess most of us weren't really interested in the performances.

Yesterday was Day 1 of Chinese New Year, and as per tradition we visited our aunt who lived a block away from us. The day ended with my cousins and their families visiting us.

That's all from me for now. Happy Chinese New Year to all!